


I'm a pretty mess and I don't deserve you

by thatsongbird



Series: Spring Awakening Soulmates [1]
Category: Frühlings Erwachen | Spring Awakening - Frank Wedekind, Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Birthday, Hanschen and Thea and Melitta are siblings, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, The whole gang is here, and they're very queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 05:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8238242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsongbird/pseuds/thatsongbird
Summary: Melchior thought he knew who his soulmate was, he was so sure of it, but when he gets his tattoo and it doesn't show up on Moritz, he realises he was wrong the whole time and that maybe it was just wishful thinking. In a society where finding one's soulmate is so important will Melchior rock the boat and find love with someone else?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Does that rhetorical question feel wanky to you? and by wanky i mean pretentious. maybe pretentious just fits when you write about Melchior Gabor.  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy this, I wrote it because I should be studying for my exams but, man, do I love that procrastination.
> 
> Title from 'I Adore You' by Adore Delano

Everybody had a soulmate. Not everybody was lucky enough to meet their soulmate, but it was believed that they still had one out there. The best way to find your soulmate was a tattoo. A person’s tattoo would also appear on their soulmate in the same place. It became custom in most societies for people to get a tattoo to find their soulmate. Most people would get it when they turned eighteen. Then it was a matter of finding the matching tattoo.

Melchior had decided what his tattoo would be from when he was fifteen. The day after his eighteenth birthday he took Moritz with him to get a tattoo of a constellation on his chest, on the right side of his ribs.

“It looks great, Melchi,” Moritz had told him with a smile to hide behind. What would he do when Melchior found his soulmate, when he had to watch the boy he loved fall in love with the one he truly belonged with?

That night Moritz had stayed at Melchior’s house. He was about to take a shower when he took his shirt off, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He did a double-take, gasping sharply at his reflection. On his chest, on the right side of his ribs, was the exact same constellation tattoo as Melchior’s. But, it couldn’t be, Moritz thought, not the exact same. Surely it was all some strange coincidence that his soulmate got a similar tattoo in the exact same spot on the exact same day as Melchior. The universe never favoured Moritz, it would never grant him the only thing he’d ever truly wanted. Melchior was the kind of guy who had an amazing soulmate, not someone like Moritz Stiefel. He cleared his head and continued undressing.

After taking a shower and getting dressed into his pyjamas in the bathroom, Moritz walked back into Melchior’s room. He found the other boy laying on his bed and reading a book. Moritz walked over and sat at the end of the bed, clearing his throat.

“So, Melchi, I-” he started only to be cut off by Melchior raising a finger, indicating for him to wait.

After a moment, which felt like forever, Melchior put a bookmark in his book and closed it, putting it on his bedside table.

“What’s up, Moritz?”

“Well, I just-” He tried to force himself into casualness, something that did not come easy to him. “Can I see your tattoo again?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Melchior happily agreed, sitting up and lifting his shirt up. He was proud of it, Moritz could tell, and he had reason to be; it was a very beautiful tattoo. It was also definitely the same as Moritz’s.

“It’s nice.” His voice was small. What was he going to do? He couldn’t tell him. Melchior didn’t deserve the disappointment of Moritz as a soulmate.

Melchior put his shirt back down. “What about your tattoo?”

“Mine? What? I don’t have one!” How did Melchior know? How could he figure out Moritz was his soulmate?

“Exactly,” Melchior answered, vague confusion in his tone. “What are you going to get?”

“Oh.” Moritz felt stupid. “I don’t know.”

“Well you’re eighteen next month, you should think about it.”

“I know, I know.” But he didn’t need it. He knew his soulmate. “I’ll decide in time.”

“You do want to, don’t you?” Melchior asked.

“Yes, of course.” He hadn’t really wanted to before today, not wanting a soulmate unless it was Melchior. But, now that it was him, Moritz felt like it would be wrong to use their ties of fate to be with Melchior. He was in love with him and he’d always wanted Melchior to love him, but not because a tattoo says he should. “Everybody wants to meet their soulmate, don’t they?”

“Not really,” Melchior replied. “There are many people who actually wish to never meet their soulmate. Some people even get those fading tattoos to tell their soulmate they never want to meet them. How tragic do you think that would be? To have your soulmate tell you they don’t want to be together?”

Moritz pictures Melchior telling him that. “It would be awful.”

“Yeah,” Melchior agrees. “So, you still haven’t got a tattoo from your soulmate?”

“I would tell you if I did, Melchi.”

“Promise?” Melchior held his hand up, little finger extended. 

Moritz did the same and linked their fingers together. “I promise.”

That night, laying in Melchior’s bed with him, Moritz couldn’t sleep. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling covered in glow-in-the-dark stars that had been up there since they were children. He realised, later in the night after the conversation of soulmates and tattoos with Melchior, that he was being selfish. If he didn’t tell him then Melchior would go on for the rest of his life believing he didn’t have a soulmate and that could be potentially heartbreaking. But, if Moritz told him then what if Melchior was disappointed that he had such a soulmate as Moritz? What if Melchior felt he was still obligated to love him and therefore pretended to be in love with him for the rest of his life? Moritz felt he was just selfish and desperate enough to accept fake love from Melchior rather than none. He figured he truly was an awful friend and an awful soulmate. He also decided he wouldn’t tell Melchior.

The next morning Melchior was the first awake, like it had always been since they were younger. He looked over at Moritz’s sleeping form. He looked so peaceful when asleep, all his concerns and anxieties disappeared from his features. Melchior smiled at him, which turned to a look of sadness when he thought about their conversation the night before. Moritz had told him that he hadn’t received a tattoo from his soulmate, he promised him. But, Melchior had been so sure it was him. From the moment he realised he felt something for the other boy Melchior had known their connection was something special, something beyond a simple crush or friendship. What they shared was like fate or destiny, they belonged together, there was nobody else that could possibly be Melchior’s soulmate. Well, that’s what he thought. Until last night when Moritz had dropped that news on him, and he’d gotten his hopes up, too, when Moritz had asked to see his tattoo again. But, all his theories of them being soulmates was just wishful thinking on his part. He had even got a constellation tattoo because he knew Moritz liked stars and stargazing a lot. He’d gotten his soulmate tattoo for someone that wasn’t even his soulmate. He had been so damn sure that it was Moritz! But, it wasn’t…unless Moritz lied. The two boys never lied to each other, they told each other everything. Moritz told Melchior about his first wet dream, Melchior then told Moritz everything about sex he knew. They shared secrets, but never kept them from each other. Melchior hated that he doubted Moritz, but he did. He glanced over at the other again, still fast asleep, and he couldn’t hold back on the impulse. Carefully, he leaned over and pulled the blanket away from Moritz, causing him to stir a bit but not wake. This is wrong, he thought, but still he let his fingers trail down to the hem of the shirt Moritz had borrowed from him. He was about to lift it when Moritz opened his eyes, blinking half-asleep at Melchior who still had hold of the shirt.

“Melchi?” His voice was quiet and hoarse from sleep. “What are you doing?”

“I, uh, was just going to wake you.” Melchior suddenly jumped on Moritz, pinning him down. “With tickling!” He poked his sides and started tickling his stomach.

Moritz immediately began squirming, laughter erupting from his throat, the most beautiful sound to Melchior’s ears.

“M-Melchi! Stop!” He giggled, trying weakly to push away Melchior’s hands. “I just…woke…up…Melchi, please!” He could barely get the words out, laughing between them.

“Okay, okay, fine.” Melchior gave in, climbing off of him. “I’m going to go start breakfast, I’ll see you out there.” He poked his side one last time before running out, hearing a frustrated ‘Melchi!’ behind him.

As soon as he was out of the room, Melchior took a moment to pause and reflect on the stupid thing he just did. He was so close to being caught! How would he explain it if he had been? 'Oh, sorry, Moritz, I know you promised you weren’t my soulmate but I just really thought you might be my soulmate so I wanted to check because I really, really wish it was you.’

He made his way out to the kitchen, his father was at work and his mother was out, too, so it was just him and Moritz. He made himself coffee and tea for Moritz, then began frying up some bacon for breakfast.

Moritz was always a slow riser in the morning, usually choosing to stay in bed for an extra few minutes after waking. He woke up a little quicker that morning though, after his unusual personal alarm. Usually Melchior just let him sleep in, but for some reason he hadn’t, and Moritz was too sleepy to bother figuring out why. When he did get out of bed he slowly stumbled out to the kitchen, finding Melchior standing there, practically glowing in the sunlight streaming through the kitchen windows, he smiled at him and Moritz just nodded before turning away from the sight of Morning Melchior. Really, nobody was that bright or alert (or gorgeous) in the mornings.

“Tea is in the Captain America mug over there.” Melchior pointed to a spot on the counter.

Moritz picked up his tea, taking a sip; somehow it always tasted best when Melchior made it. “Thanks.”

“So, Moritz, what are your plans for today?” Melchior asked.

“Non-existent.”

“Good.” Melchior put the bacon from the frying pan onto a plate and cracked some eggs into the pan. “I have plans for us.”

“What plans?” Moritz asked, as if it mattered. If Melchior planned it Moritz would be there.

“A beach trip,” Melchior answered, putting bread in the toaster.

“Oh.” No. Not the beach. If they went to the beach then Moritz would have to take his shirt off and then Melchior would see the tattoo and then he would know. Melchior probably wanted to go to the beach to show off his tattoo, he thought, and was again reminded how much of a disappointing soulmate he would be.

“Is the beach okay?” Melchior asked.

“Sure,” Moritz lied. “But, I’d rather not. Can’t we do something else?”

“Oh, yeah.” Melchior nodded. “Of course. Anything in mind?”

Moritz only shrugged.

Melchior laughed. “I’ll think of something then.”

He put the eggs on the plate with the bacon, picking it up along with the plate of toast and taking them over to the small kitchen table. Moritz followed, sitting down on on of the seats, as Melchior walked away again, returning with two more plates, cutlery, and his coffee. He sat down across from Moritz.

“Dig in.”

They chatted over breakfast and had decided to go on a picnic - Melchior’s idea of course - and to invite their friends along. When they arrived at the park Wendla, Ilse, and Martha were already there, laying down a picnic blanket.

“Hey,” Melchior greeted the girls as they made their way over to them.

“Hi,” answered Martha.

“Hey,” said Ilse.

“Hi.” Wendla smiled at them. 

The boys dropped their bags to the group and Melchior laid down his picnic blanket next to the other one before putting the bags on the corners to hold it.

“So, you got your tattoo yesterday?” Ilse asked.

“Yeah.” Melchior nodded. “Moritz came with me.”

“Can we see it?” Wendla asked.

“Yeah, of course,” he answered, lifting his shirt up to show them the constellation of stars on his torso.

“Cool,” Ilse said.

“Looks nice,” Wendla added.

“I like it,” Martha told him.

“Thanks.”

“Melchior, nobody wants to see your naked body!” The group turned toward the shouting voice, which had come from Hanschen. He, Ernst, Melitta, and Thea had just arrived and were walking towards them.

“Everybody wants to!” Melchior called back.

“He was showing us his tattoo,” Wendla explained.

“Oh, let me see!” Ernst jogged over to him to see the tattoo. He gasped softy. “It’s so beautiful.”

Hanschen joined him, looking at the tattoo with a shrug. “It’s alright.”

“Well, I think it’s really pretty,” Ernst said to Melchior with a smile. “I’m sure your soulmate will love it.”

“I hope so,” Melchior replied.

“Well, you did better than my soulmate.”

“It’s been two years!” Hanschen groaned.

“A wonderful year, really,” Ernst replied, kissing him. “With an awful start,” he added before moving away to lay down the picnic blanket that they’d brought.

Melitta handed the blanket to him as she moved to look at Melchior’s tattoo with Thea.

Almost straight after pulling his shirt back down, Melchior hears Georg shouting as he neared the group, along with Otto and Anna.

“Melchior, show me your tattoo!”

He sighed as he turned toward him and lifted his shirt again.

By late afternoon they had eaten plenty, Wendla, Anna, and Martha had left early, and those who stayed were either playing a game of soccer or lounging around on the picnic blankets.

“So, Moritz,” Georg started, “have you given any thought to your tattoo?”

“Oh, uh, no, not really.” Moritz shook his head.

“You have only like a month left,” Ernst said. “Not to pressure you or anything.”

“Yeah, I know,” Moritz answered. “I’ll think of something.”

“I’m sure it’ll just hit you one day,” Melitta reassured.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Moritz nodded. “What about you? Have you thought about yours?” He asked Georg. 

It started to get late and the sun started setting, so everybody else decided it was time to leave. The soccer game, which was made up of team Rilow vs Melchior, Otto, and Ilse, had started as a fun game but quickly turned much more serious. That was expected with a game made of four very competitive people, plus Otto.

“We’re leaving, now!” Ernst called. They had already packed everything up and were just waiting on the game to end. His shout went ignored.

“HEY!” Georg shouted. “We’re leaving!”

Otto stopped with the ball.

“Okay, next goal wins!” Melchior called.

“No way!” Hanschen protested, “We’re winning 4-2!” 

“Scared we’ll beat you, Rilow?” Ilse taunted.

“As if you could!” Thea shot back. “We could score two more goals before you even get one.”

“Put your money where your mouth is, Thea.” Melchior raised a brow. “You get two before we get one you win, we get one we win, losers pay winners $10 each.”

“You’re on.” Hanschen nodded.

“No, we’re leaving,” Melitta cut in, walking over and taking the ball from Otto. “Goodbye, everyone.” She ignored the protests as she walked off towards her car. 

“I guess the game’s over then,” Melchior shrugged.

“We still won,” Hanschen replied.

“Good for you, Hansi,” Ernst said. He dropped a picnic basket into his hands. “Here’s your prize.”

They walked off with Thea, calling their goodbyes to the others.

“Am I still right to get a lift with you?” Ilse asked Otto, as they picked up things to carry.

“Yeah,” Otto answered with a nod.

“If you can handle being a third-wheel,” Georg added.

“Do you forget the time everyone else cancelled on the movies and it was just me, Ernst, and Hanschen?” Ilse replied.

“True.” Georg shrugged, before turning to Melchior and Moritz. “See you guys later!”

“Bye,” Ilse and Otto said, together, following Georg to the car.

“Bye!” The other two called back.

After everybody had left, and they were getting into Melchior’s car, he turned to Moritz.

“So, did you have fun today?” He asked.

“Yeah, it was good.” Moritz nodded, distracted by his own thoughts. “You?”

“Yeah, it was good.” They were quiet again for a while, both too preoccupied with the uncertainties on their minds.

They pulled up to his house and Melchior turned the car off before turning to Moritz again.

“I need to confess something.” Moritz made a small noise to prompt him to continue. “I don’t want to meet my soulmate.” 

Moritz felt his heart drop from his chest. “Oh.”

“See, I thought I did, but that’s because I thought I already had,” Melchior continued. “I thought that I knew who my soulmate was. I’d been reading about soulmates and the connection you feel when you meet yours, those emotions, and there’s somebody I thought I shared that with. But, I was wrong. It turns out that I never did know who my soulmate was, I had only hoped it was them. But, why should it matter? Why should we wait around for somebody society says we share a destiny with? How do we know we share a destiny with these people? How do we know we’re meant to love them? I don’t believe we do. I believe we can love people that are not our soulmates. I believe this because, well, because I love you, Moritz.”

Moritz almost choked on his gasp.

“Oh, god,” Melchior leaned forward. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Moritz nodded. “I, you, no.”

“What?”

“No,” he repeated. “You don’t love me.”

Melchior frowned. “Yes, I do.”

“No, you don’t! You just said so yourself!”

“What?” Melchior was confused.

Moritz shrunk back. “You don’t love me, because society tells you to.”

“Wait, what?” Melchior paused. “Moritz show me your chest?”

Moritz hesitated before leaning back and lifting his shirt up to reveal the tattoo. Melchior reached out, his fingers brushing against the constellation of stars that mirrored his own.

“I…I was right.” Melchior’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Moritz, I meant it when I said I loved you. I said I didn’t want to love my soulmate because I thought it wasn’t you.”

“What?”

“I mean I thought it was at first, I got the stars because I thought you’d like them, but then you said it wasn’t you so I decided I didn’t need a soulmate,” Melchior explained. “But, now I don’t need to. I can have both you and my soulmate.” He paused for a moment. “Unless you aren’t interested, in which case I completely understand and I-”

Melchior was cut off as Moritz leaned in and kissed him. It was only short, Moritz pulling back quickly. Melchior leaned in to capture his lips in a kiss again, making this one last longer.

“Wow,” Moritz whispered as they separated. 

“Yeah.” Melchior breathed out a short laugh. “I love you, Moritz.”

Moritz smiled at him. “I love you, Melchi.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Okay, now, the thought occurred to me of a Melchritz soulmate au so i had to write it. Halfway through writing this I thought of a Hernst prequel, which I wrote and then finished before this one. I will post that at a later point.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please leave a kudos/comments to let me know what you thought.  
> As always, feedback makes me love you. xx


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